1. When people mistreat you, it’s a reflection of them, not you
When someone treats you poorly, it often reveals more about who they are than who you are. People tend to project their insecurities, fears, and unresolved pain onto others. If they experience the world as cold or unforgiving, they may interact with you through that same lens. Remember—people can only give what they possess. When compassion or kindness is missing within, it’s hard for them to offer it outwardly. That’s why your peace cannot hinge on their behavior; it comes from how you choose to respond.
People are often unreasonable and self-centered. Forgive them anyway. If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives. Be kind anyway. If you are honest, people may cheat you. Be honest anyway. If you find happiness, people may be jealous. Be happy anyway. The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway. Give the world the best you have and it may never be enough. Give your best anyway. For you see, in the end, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.”
— Mother Teresa
2. Shame affects everything
Shame keeps you immobilized in almost every way, afraid to be who you really are for fear that people might know your secret(s). Your shame tells you that you’re unworthy; that if your friends, spouse, church, family, or co-workers knew the real you, you would no longer be worthy of their love and acceptance. Shame tells you that even if you can, you shouldn’t because what if you fail?
The truth is, healing begins when you face that fear, let yourself be vulnerable, and start releasing those old stories of unworthiness. Yes, some people may fall away, but the space you create will be filled with the love and opportunities meant for you. Make space for your blessings.
3. You have to align your thoughts and intentions to manifest
Intention
- a thing intended; an aim or plan.
- Medicine: the healing process of a wound
Many of our spiritual gurus agree and also teach that to manifest what you want, you must first get in vibrational alignment with the thing(s) you want to manifest. Dr. Wayne Dyer would often say, “When you believe it, you will see it.”
You are always manifesting (whether you want to or not), and what you manifest is a product of your beliefs. If you want love, but you don’t believe you’ll find it or you, yourself, are unloving then you are in vibrational alignment with feelings of loneliness, indifference, hate, fear…etc., and therefore that is what you will attract into your life because the only people who will resonate with that frequency are those who are also vibrating from that same level.
If you want more money, but your core belief is that money is difficult to earn, that there isn’t enough for everyone, that only certain types of people are deserving of wealth…etc., then you will continue to lack the money and resources you need because what you vibrate is a belief in lack and scarcity. You have to recognize the abundance that is already in your life. Focus on your blessings and wins, and when you vibrate abundance, then more abundance will be drawn to you.
To manifest, you have to be mentally and emotionally receptive to the thing that you want. It’s not enough to just say affirmations, you must become the thing you want to attract, and for many of us that will require self-awareness, spiritual growth, and deep healing. Set your intention to be happy, healed, and abundant, and the universe will meet you there.
4. Create a vision board
I actually have a vision slide deck and I created it because I didn’t want to sift through magazines and also because I have a hard time visualizing what I want, so Google presented more ideas. Many of the things I wanted in life just weren’t represented in the immediate world around me. Like, for instance, I wanted to be married, but no one in my family was married. I knew it was what I wanted, but I just couldn’t visualize something that I had never really seen.
Creating a vision board isn’t just about arts and crafts, it’s about taking the time to visualize your life and remind yourself of that vision day after day. Your vision board will motivate you to set goals and help you to believe that what you want to achieve is possible for you, because it is!
5. You have to be deliberate about your personal development
You are your most important investment; this is a fundamental truth that often gets overlooked. In my opinion, there are essentially 4 categories that significantly impact our growth and happiness:
- Mental Health
- Spiritual Health
- Emotional Health
- Physical Health
It’s common to excel in a few of these areas while neglecting others. It’s essential to make an honest assessment of where you stand in each category and devise a plan to focus more on the areas where you are lacking.
Personal development is an ongoing process that enables us to constantly evolve and strive to become the best versions of ourselves. Embracing this journey is the epitome of self-care and has the power to elevate us to new heights.
6. The more I work past my trauma, the easier it is for me to forgive other people’s trauma responses.
I spent months in trauma therapy trying to understand why I kept repeating the same mistakes and existing in a perpetual state of anxiety and low-level happiness. Well, one of the many things I realized was that I had not learned how to show myself compassion. I was my own worst critic. I harshly judged my decisions and imperfections and had no idea how to show myself grace or forgive myself for virtually anything.
First came the compassion. I learned to be my own best friend, to say positive words to myself, and to embrace being a beautiful work in progress. I could accept that in everyone else, but found it difficult to do for myself. Once I was able to embrace my own complexity, I was eventually able to start forgiving myself for not knowing what I didn’t know. For example, I no longer judged myself for picking the wrong guys; instead, I forgave myself for not knowing what love truly looked or felt like. I forgave myself for neglecting my own needs. Instead of judging myself for my failures, I forgave myself for not celebrating my wins or acknowledging the strength it took to get back up and try again and again.
My heart began to soften for myself, and I truly understood that we are all just doing the best we can. When I was able to accept that truth within myself, I was then able to recognize and accept that truth in other people. Now, when I am wronged or mistreated, I can forgive that other person’s complexity, and I’m also able to accept that people show up in the world to the degree that they are able to show up for themselves and with the understanding that they had at the time. The more I learn to forgive my own mistakes, the easier it is for me to forgive the mistakes of others.
” People can’t reciprocate because they can’t give you what they can’t give themselves.”- Sacred Thomas
7. Vulnerability is hard!
I’ve realized that it is so hard for me to be vulnerable because it requires that I allow the other person to see my weaknesses with no guarantee that I will get to see theirs in return (because I need leverage, of course).
To be vulnerable means that I have to show you my heart, my insecurities, and anything else that could potentially make me more, well, vulnerable! And really, what I’m afraid of is being hurt – point blank, periodT.
However, when you remain closed off, sure, it does protect you from the things that hurt you, but it also shields you from what can heal you. You are not allowing love, compassion, protection, and understanding into your life. You are not allowing the universe the opportunity to show you all of the goodness that you desperately want and deserve.
Work on healing your wounds, then work on trusting and acknowledging your own ability to recover from hurt and disappointment, and then work on allowing yourself to receive all the beauty the world has to offer by opening your heart space and showing up as your authentic self.
If you’re unsure where to begin, here is a list of some of my favorite “gurus”:
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