Friendship is a beautiful bond that enriches our lives and brings joy and support. Cultivating meaningful friendships requires effort, but the rewards are immeasurable because they support not only our emotional health but also our physical health. 

Friendships offer support, intimacy, and reciprocity. According to Mayo Clinic some of the benefits also include (but are not limited to):

• Increase in your sense of belonging and purpose
• Boost in your happiness and a reduction of stress
• Improvement in your self-confidence and self-worth
• Aids in coping with traumas, such as divorce, serious illness, job loss, or the death of a loved one
• Encouragement to change or avoid unhealthy lifestyle habits, such as excessive drinking or lack of exercise.

*That last one was interesting considering that my friends are the leading cause of my excessive drinking and lack of exercise. 

In today’s time, I attribute many difficulties finding and maintaining good friendships to the advent of social media. It has launched a worldwide cultural shift that I think we are still adapting to in many ways.

Created and originally adopted by millennials, social media began as a way to connect us with our friends, family, and populations near and abroad. Now, social media and texting have become the primary and preferred method of communication for both Millenials and Gen-Z and although convenient, this doesn’t bode well for making new friends or connecting on a deeper level with the ones that you have. 

To cultivate friendships we have to make an effort to connect face-to-face or at the very least, talk on the phone. Take the time to connect on a deeper level because friendship is an all-around great investment. 

If you’re looking for some ways to cultivate new friendships and/or build upon the ones you already have, I’ve listed a few suggestions below:

1. To make a friend, you must show yourself friendly – Look here, your “followers” are not your friends and neither is that guy/girl flirting in your DMs. If you want a real, non-virtual, human friend, you will have to interact with people. That’s how it was done back in the 1900s and I promise you, it’s still as effective now as it was back then.

Join a group or organization that supports your interests, strike up a conversation with that person you always see at the gym, or actually talk to your neighbors. Put genuine effort into meeting people and don’t forget to smile. You can do this!

2. Give your current friends some QT – Carving out some quality time to bond with your friends is worth its weight in gold. I used to have a standing Friday date night with one of my girlfriends. I would cook the meal and she would bring the wine. We’d laugh for hours, vent about our problems, support each other, and just have a good time. That’s what friends are for. They feed our souls in a way that only a friend can.  This time well spent helped to increase our sense of happiness, support, worthiness, and love. Now, tell me that ain’t worth it. 

3. Volunteer – Offer your time and talents at a hospital, place of worship, local boys and girls club, fraternity/sorority, or other charitable group. This is a great, organic, way to meet people with common interests and it’s just an overall win-win situation. Whether you meet a new friend or not, the act of serving your community is a reward in and of itself.

4. Join a book club – If you like to read, this is a great way to connect. No need to come up with conversation topics because the book is the conversation. I just joined a book club last year and I love it! We get together, eat snacks, drink wine, and pick each other’s brains. You can start this with people you already know or check out your local library or bookstore to see if they have any book clubs available. 

5. As mentioned in step 1, join a gym or local sports group – The gym is a great way to meet people. Typically, you’re going to see the same people there all the time and if you want to be a bit more intentional, sign up for Zumba or a spin class. I have a guy friend of mine who goes twice a week to play basketball and he and his gym buddies have created quite a bond. And finding a local sports group is just a Google search away. I’ve seen everything from kickball to flag football. These are definitely ways to boost your health and bonding.

I think one of the major deterrents for adults when it comes to making new friends, is the fear of meeting untrustworthy, flaky, or judgy people. However, remember that trust is the foundation of ANY solid relationship and it is earned. Give people the opportunity to earn your trust by observing how (and if) they show up for you (to flake or not to flake) and what they do with the information that you give them (judge much?).

Vulnerability is difficult for us all, but where there is great risk, there is great reward. With that said, if you’re not sure if your new friend can be trusted with your truth, then give them breadcrumbs at first and see how they react. If they are good stewards of your smaller bits of vulnerability, then gradually increase as it’s most comfortable for you, but you must know that trust and vulnerability are key to deep, long-lasting friendships. 

Cultivating lasting friendships will take time, effort, and a mutual investment from both parties involved. You will need to consistently foster an environment of trust and open communication. Be a good listener, be vulnerable, and make an effort to be available. Always show up as your authentic self and be patient as you develop your beautiful bonds into life-long connections!

“I get by with a little help from my friends” – The Beatles