Emotional validation is the process of acknowledging and accepting someone’s emotions as valid and understandable, regardless of whether we agree with them or not. When you validate someone you are expressing acceptance of their emotional experience, and you do so without shaming, guilting, or telling them how they should feel instead.

We’re all different. We all have different upbringings, beliefs, and traumas; therefore, it’s inevitable that we would respond to similar situations differently. A person’s emotional response is real regardless of how “serious” or important you may perceive the situation to be. 

When we validate someone’s emotions, we validate their worth as human beings. We are expressing to them that they are worthy of compassion and empathy and that their thoughts and feelings matter to the people around us. The by-product of this is increased trust, strengthened relationships, and overall emotional well-being.

In a nutshell, validation of an individual’s emotion creates a safe space for them to be authentic without fear of judgment or dismissal. For men, I believe this translates as respect, and for women as love. If you value the people in your life, this is one of the most valuable practices you can incorporate into your daily habits. 

Ways to Offer Emotional Validation:

1. Empathize – this is the ability to put yourself in someone else’s shoes and understand what they are going through.
2. Actively Listen – be fully present in the conversation and actively participate by (but not limited to) providing eye contact, asking open-ended and clarifying questions, noticing non-verbal cues, and withholding judgment. 
3. Skip the unsolicited advice – I know you want to help your friend and you mean well, however, this is the time for you to listen and offer support. Allow your friend to vent and process their feelings without your opinions. If they want your advice, they will ask.
4. Reflective Listening  – Repeating back what they said or what you think they meant by what was said. 

Ways You Could Be Offering Emotional Invalidation:

1. Minimizing – telling someone that their experience is not that bad, could’ve been worse, or that they are overreacting.
2. Toxic Positivity – Telling them all the ways that they should be happy or grateful despite their circumstance, making jokes, or finding other ways to lighten the mood. We all have reasons to feel blessed, however, this is not the time to dismiss someone’s pain with happy talk.
3. Gaslighting – telling or suggesting to someone that their perspective of the experience is incorrect.  That it “didn’t happen like that” or “maybe you’re just stressed.”
4. Ignoring – this could include, but is not limited to: stonewalling, eye-rolling, postponing the conversation for an unreasonable amount of time, or physically turning away while someone is talking. 

Remember that emotional validation does not mean agreeing with everything someone feels or says. It simply means acknowledging their emotions as valid and respecting their right to feel the way they do.

Ultimately, it’s up to each of us to work on validating ourselves. I’m a major proponent of honoring my own feelings. I will cry it out, fall off the grid with no explanation, or prioritize my needs in whatever ways I deem necessary. 

However, when we validate someone else’s emotions, we connect with one another on a visceral level. We develop our ability to have compassion and depth of understanding for not only the people around us but also for ourselves. When you can relate to someone on a mental and emotional level, you start to understand that we are all the same. We may vary in income, weight, popularity, and so on, but one thing we all have in common is our ability to feel the exact same emotions. We all deserve to live in a world where we can feel acknowledged and respected.