I think many of us have a moment in our lives when we feel like life and everyone in it is just passing us by. Like we’re not making progress and epically failing at all of our attempts to catch up. 

This happened to me once, a few months after experiencing a major setback. I was sitting in a coffee shop writing when I paused to enjoy my tea and pumpkin loaf. While sipping and nibbling, I grabbed my phone and started scrolling through Instagram and that’s when I noticed it. 

First, there was the friend who had just started her law firm and seemingly purchased a Porsche in celebration. Then I swiped across the family photo of an acquaintance who had recently married and welcomed her 2nd adorable child (they all looked picture-perfect), however, it was the last swipe that almost took me out. It was an IG story of positive affirmations from yet another girlfriend who was working on her Ph.D., managing a STEM program and book club all while balancing being a wife and mother.

At that moment, I decided to put my phone down and wallow in self-pity, obsessing over my past failures and wondering where I had gone wrong. I felt like shit. Like I was defective. Why couldn’t I do that? I mean, whatever that is. Was I lacking the drive and motivation, knowledge on how to achieve or manifest, or did I need to work on my networking, résumé, or relationship with God? What did they have that I didn’t? I mean, I’m educated, smart, and skinny. That should count for something, right? Apparently not.

So, what do you do when you feel like a failure?:

1. Limit social media 

• Everyone on social media is literally putting their best face forward. They are showing you who and what they want you to see and who in the hell wants you to see their struggles and failures. We know it’s a facade because we do it ourselves and yet we keep believing the hype. Don’t let filters and FOMO plant seeds of inadequacy. 

2. Stop comparing yourself!

• Not to get all preachy on you, but, Psalms 139: 13-14 (NIV) says: For you (God) created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful and I know that full well. 
• Always remember that you are God’s unique masterpiece. And your job is to be the best version of yourself. Only then will your works be wonderful. 

3. What does success look like for you? 

• Dig deep and ask yourself what you want out of life. You’re not really upset that your friends have achieved great things, you are upset that they have seemingly reached a level of happiness you have not attained. What would really make you happy? 

4. Set goals

• Setting a goal forces you to create a vision and take active steps toward achieving it. Maybe it’s not your talent or luck that’s lacking, but your discipline. Break down your larger goal into smaller, more achievable steps, and celebrate each milestone along the way. This will not only boost your confidence but also provide a sense of progress and accomplishment. Map out your plan and go for the goal!

Lastly, keep in mind that your feelings are not facts. Feeling like a failure doesn’t mean you are one. Reframe your mindset and shift your perspective toward growth and learning. Make personal development a habit and embrace failure as an opportunity to learn and grow. Understand that your journey is your own and your purpose is unique to you. Embrace it and follow your own path.